An interview with Commander Sardinha

Q: Why Mars?

A: Because the mackerel said it could not be done.

Q: Most commanders train for years. Your file says you graduated top of your shoal. What does that involve?

A: Synchronised turns, cold-water discipline, and never blinking during safety briefings. I cannot blink anyway. It saves time.

Q: Mars has no sea.

A: That is not a question. We are bringing one. It ships in four hundred parts, each labelled brine, mission critical.

Q: What do you say to people who call the programme a joke?

A: Laughter is thrust, if you angle it correctly.

Q: Final words for the crew?

A: Stay tinned. Stay together. The countdown is a song if you sing it.