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Q: Why Mars?
A: Because the mackerel said it could not be done.
Q: Most commanders train for years. Your file says you graduated top of your shoal. What does that involve?
A: Synchronised turns, cold-water discipline, and never blinking during safety briefings. I cannot blink anyway. It saves time.
Q: Mars has no sea.
A: That is not a question. We are bringing one. It ships in four hundred parts, each labelled brine, mission critical.
Q: What do you say to people who call the programme a joke?
A: Laughter is thrust, if you angle it correctly.
Q: Final words for the crew?
A: Stay tinned. Stay together. The countdown is a song if you sing it.
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